[Random] A Very BET Christmas. The Sparkman Way.

I like doing these random thoughts blogs because i can say whatever i want and ill be right.

Quick story, Yesterday I sat at a desk from 8:30am until 8:30am THIS morning, and didnt go to sleep until 1pm because of appointments. This morning I was a little more honery than usual, including posting this as my status after listening to urban radio:

"If your black ass afro-centric name is so fucking ridiculously ghetto that the black ass nigga on the blackest radio station in the state can't pronounce that shit on your birthday shoutout, I think its time to go to court and change that shit SHA-FRANIQUA."

Now, saying things like that isnt new for me at all. So I figured with a little sleep I could Talk about something racist with a little intelligence and hopefully a lot of humor.

I didnt watch this particular program but I heard about it so I imagine that it went something like this...

SPARKMAN'S VISION OF "A VERY BET KWANZAA CHRISTMAS"
This is how I'm almost certain it went down.

Our hosts are Justin Timberlake & Robin Thicke.

Justin begins talking about how African Americans in the 'hood struggle when Christmas time comes around, usually because food stamps aren't accepted at Kmart when you put the one SNES that was left in the back corner on the store for the last 16 years on layaway.

Robin continues talking about how BET wants to celebrate to celebrate the hard working black folk in these cases.

A video package is shown of stock footage containing mostly shots of the ghetto in any American city, fat black women eating chicken box after chicken box as their illegitimate bastard child breast feeds on the greasiest breast milk. next shot show footage of african children with flies crawling on their faces. Apparently, BET pretty much figures that most people dont care enough to tell the difference anyway.

More shots of government cheese, and a 5 year old child that cant read, attempting to read mommy's cell phone bill that is somehow in the child's name. All of this set to the tune of 2Pac's "I Get Around".

We go back to our caucasian hosts, that are apparently blacker than me because the black community accepts them, as they introduce our musical guess Snoop Dogg, as he sings his hit holiday song "I smoked an elf with Santa". Unfortunately, Snoop had to be escorted out of the building because he smoked the one Mistletoe in the building and kept trying to get our hosts to say the word "Nigger" and when they wouldnt, he angrily asked them if they had love for Snoop Dogg...kinda like this. --->Start at :40

Next up, Kayne West comes out as the stage goes dark. suddenly the ground shakes and several male dancers from all the black dance academies around the country, form out of the ground. Kanye begins rapping something inaudible about Christmas and finishes his set. Justin and Robin come back and send us to commercial.

The insanely deep voiced and obviously black announcer informs us that our Black Ass Christmas is brought to you by Popeyes, Church's, KFC, Mrs Winner's Chicken & Biscuits, Chick Fil-A, and Sprite.

We come back from commercial where the cameras are cut on way too early, and catch Justin & Robin admit that they are exploiting black music for their own personal gain, followed by them admitting that they are exploiting black women by promising them fame and fortune if they give up their unemployment checks...no wonder they are so rich.

We get another video package for the United Negro College Fund, but Robin, not knowing what UNCF meant, accidently introduced it as the United Nigga Chicken Fight. When corrected, Robin explains that thats what the fighting ring down in Louisiana that he was investing in was called, and he figured that advertising it would make him more money. He also added that it wasnt actually chickens fighting, but poor black people fighting over "The Big Piece of Chicken".

Once Robin is pulled from the show, the video package is finally shown. Young black college students are shown going to class, participating in extracurricular activities and studying in the library. A fine educated young man is shown speaking to the audience about the good that the UNCF does for young african americans. BET realizes that it is showing something that is beneficial to blacks and pulls the ad immediately and replaces it with Nelly's full uncensored Tip Drill Music Video.

Justin Timberlake thanks us for joining him for the blackest christmas possible in which Kayne  interrupts him, telling him that yes, this may have been an awesome program, but "A Charlie Brown Christmas" Is the best Christmas special of all time.

At least thats what would have happened if i was in charge...

-Sparks